mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize