4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
