why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
