When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
