The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
