she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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