are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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