I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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