so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
