I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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