I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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