I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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