I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
