I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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