why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
