i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
