I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
