apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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