I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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