I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
