ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
