if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
