Yo dont text me then not text me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
