Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
