Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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