when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
