I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize