so let's talk penis.
It was confusing and full of hummus
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize