:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
