I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
