if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
