I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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