if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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