Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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