Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
