This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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