i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
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