I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
