I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
