Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
