Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
