Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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