Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
