Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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