my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
