Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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