Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
