as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
