Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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