So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
