what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
