Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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