I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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