He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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