I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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