god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
