is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize