remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
