it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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