I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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