My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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