Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
