Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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