so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
