My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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