you guys were way drunker than both of me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
