I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize