finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
