He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
