you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
