Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
