There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
