if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
