This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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