You can't special order awesome
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
