remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
