how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
