haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
