You're my little dorito
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
